The next part of this is bringing things into perspective for some and at least get others thinking. We left off, in part one, with the example of Johnny, Amy, and Todd and the replication of desired outcomes. Let’s dig a little deeper, and address the societal and cultural influence on the gentleman. First, if you inquire “what is a gentleman?” you get various definitions that lead back to how he dresses if he is a leader or, “Alpha Male” and his accumulation of stuff. The dictionary defines it as “A man of gentle or noble birth” … But there is so much more to a gentleman (A man for that matter) than that.
In my humble opinion, gentlemen, in the African American culture were cultivated. Even if you didn’t acquire much wealth, men were groomed to command your attention and respect. This goes back to the 1920s and 30s, and the boom of black wall street. The understanding was that as African American men living in America at the time (a fact that still holds today), stature and recognition by his actions were held in more esteem than possessing money. This variation is significant when considered next to his European counterpart, whereas we have already defined as wealthy and aristocratic. The African American Gentleman of today has to be twice if not often three times the man to be recognized as the same. This brings us to the point of this part of this series… It is challenging to be a gentleman in our current society and culture, so the traits aren’t easily passed down. Again, an older man who valued the traits of a gentleman. Those being more than wealth but time, energy, chivalry, and effort, invested in those he loved. His son, nephews, and/or the boys in his community and held them to a standard. But that is fading away and it bothers me to my core.
Currently, most see little value in outward appearance, taking interest in masculinity, and the work he is recognized for. On the heels of the cancel culture wave, many hyper-masculine traits have been well canceled. The emasculation of men in our community is becoming the norm so much so that when a guy stands up he has to confront the guards of this current norm. In a continuous battle of “mansplaining” (“his explanation of something by a man, typically to a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.”) vs hearing a man’s response or viewpoint.
Right now, this post is going up late because I recognize there will be some push back with the post. I had to wrestle with that with myself but here are a couple of things I had to consider.
Is it that bad? Absolutely, in our 30s we recognize the change in “Men” if you're male or female (or anywhere between).
Does it affect our relationships? Sure does, name a current male R&B group (IE. Boys 2 Men, Jodeci, or 112)
What role models do young people see? Or are we all merely supposed to be old, dressed like 19-year-olds, doing the Birdman hand rub?
Not making this a rant in any way. I wholly want to get the wheels turning and if I’m wrong let me know but, that’s where I’m at with it.
oh wow...there is so much to be said about this topic. You hit it a lot of it right on the nail. What it means to be a gentlemen has truly changed. To be a gentlemen there was a standard in how you dressed and carried yourself. There was also a certain character that one had to possess and exude. Such as a suit and tie, having manners and decorum.....and maneuvering a certain way......Now it's like we live in a society where men can wear a white tee and baggy jeans and be considered a gentleman. It's like the quality of what is expected has drastically decreased and it does make it hard for males who exemplify the old or…